Being a Dominant in a scene is a fascinating and intoxicating experience and one that is constantly throwing up new challenges and new rewards.

What may surprise people is just how much work and energy and planning a Dominant puts into a scene. Before starting anything with a submissive I’ll have at least a basic outline of what I want to do within a scene, the overall effect I want to have on the submissive and what tools I’ll use. Sometimes, if I’m after a very specific mood or experience, I’ll have the whole thing mapped out in my mind in great detail although this is rare as I find it limits my ability to improvise to the changing requirements of both scene and submissive.

When in a scene I am constantly assessing my submissive for several things. First and foremost is their physical comfort as this is often the hardest thing for a submissive to mention if they are truly immersed in the scene. Bondage of any sort carries dangers and I check all extremities, either visually or physically at least every couple of minutes and usually more frequently.

Next is their physical reaction to every action I take and it’s fascinating to see how this changes throughout a scene. Ideally I’m usually looking for a mix of enjoyment and discomfort, keeping them constantly moving forwards and letting them get used to a certain level before moving on. While the most obvious physical reaction is from whichever area I’m focusing on at the time other spots can be even more revealing. The shoulder muscles are one obvious tell, as are the fingers and toes curling or relaxing.

All of this feeds into monitoring the submissive's mental state as this, ultimately, is what I’m trying to influence. If they’re angry or resisting what I’m trying to do then the odds are that I’ve done something wrong. My usual goal is to leave a sub tired, probably aching and always very, very happy. In most sessions I’ll try to push a sub’s limits in one way or another and the satisfaction of seeing them achieve that is an incredibly rewarding experience.

The more I play with a particular sub, the more scenes we do and the more experience I have at reading their reactions, the more comfortable I am about pushing their limits and trying new things. With subs that I don’t know well communication beforehand is absolutely vital and acts as a decent substitute for that experience, although I will always be more careful with new subs as I have no desire to push them in ways that they don’t enjoy.

As a Dominant the feeling of power and control you can experience is almost beyond belief and describing it is a very difficult task. Maybe the best I can do is to put it like this: it’s the ultimate vindication of your own abilities and the best ego boost in the world when you see your submissive doing things they had no idea they could do and their trust in you to take them to that place. It’s also a very big responsibility and I would urge any that are considering taking this path to do their homework thoroughly, Understand what you can and can’t do to the human body, practice with your tools , if at all possible upon yourself so that you understand both their physical and mental impact, and think through what you want to do in a particular session well before you start it. As you gain more experience and confidence you’ll find yourself improvising more and more so don’t be in too much of a rush as their really is no substitute for experience.

DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE (Registration Required to Post)