As with all aspects of a fetish relationship, communication is the key. NEVER stop talking about how you feel about what you do and do not do when playing with other people, the people you play with, etc.

Before you start playing with other people, talk to your partner about who they are and are not comfortable with you/both of you/them playing with. We also recommend you draw up a list of things they are and are not allowed to do, and keep it somewhere safe. We use a computer copy, as it’s easy to go back and edit it as you become more comfortable with the play partners you, as a couple, have, add more play partners and add strings to your fetish bow.

Once you have such a list, talk to the play partner and draw up a similar list for them. Make sure everyone involved knows that they can change these lists at any time leading up to and during the session.

You should also agree that, if someone is not comfortable with what’s going on, that they can stop it, change what’s happening and carry on, or stop the session entirely. Always keep lines of communication open, you often don’t know how you’ll react to a situation until you’re in it. Don’t feel guilty if you have to stop a session because you’re not happy with what’s going on, the point of playing with other people is to add another facet of enjoyment to what you do, not provide someone with enjoyment at the expense of someone else.

These guidelines apply to both playing with another person as a couple and when one of you plays with someone outside your relationship. The communication aspect is even more important when you are playing with someone outside your relationship, and, if they share your fetish, you should make sure you’re not just getting your “fix” in that fetish with other people, you should ensure you share it between yourselves as well. If your orientations allow of course, two tops in a relationship would probably find it hard to share without adding another person, but again, communication is needed here.

As has already been said, communication is very important. Tell your partner what you would like to do and how you feel about it, and ask how they would feel and what they would like to do. Every time you add another person to the group involved in playing, whether directly or indirectly, the chances of someone becoming upset increase, so make sure that EVERYONE involved in the session is happy with EVERYTHING that is going to happen. This includes partners of anyone involved who may not share the fetish with those who are directly involved. Doing this kind of thing behind your partner’s back is cheating, you should talk to them about it first, and if they are not willing to try your fetish, and are not happy with you playing with others, then you should think carefully about how much the fetish means to you and how much the relationship means. Do not go out behind their back and find your “fix” somewhere else.

Remember though, enjoy yourself!

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