Ah, the eternal dilemma of the kinky - how much of your fetish should you share with your friends, co-workers and random strangers? Will they laugh at you? Run away? Or stare wide-eyed before treating you as the second coming as they realise they’re not as alone in their fetish as they thought they were...

Obviously, everyone will be comfortable with different levels of awareness of their fetishes and we’re not going to pretend otherwise. Some will take it to the grave, others will stop random passers-by in the street and tell them exactly what they did last night with anatomically-correct props and, possibly, flowcharts. What feels right for you is, well, what’s right for you.

That being said, never be ashamed of what you feel. Virtually everyone on the planet has a fetish of one form or another (even if we don’t always admit or realise it), you’re just ahead of the curve by choosing to explore at least one of yours. This doesn’t make you wrong, bad, evil, sick, twisted, insane or any other word that supposedly kink-free folks may use to describe your actions. Of course if you were ALREADY sick and twisted then embracing your fetish probably won’t help you be otherwise but them’s the breaks.

If you do decide to talk to others about your fetish then be careful who you approach, at least to start. It’s probably better to do a dry run with an open-minded friend than it is to jump straight into a detailed description with your parents of how fingernails feel against your soles. But when you do bring it up, try and do so confidently. You have nothing to be ashamed of and presenting it as just another thing, in say the same way you’d explain why you prefer wearing boots over trainers, can often help the people you’re talking to over the initial shock and into acceptance.

What exactly you talk about is up to you. Many conversations tend to be in the form of ‘yeah, sorry about the noise last night. No no, I wasn’t pushing a cat through a mincer, I was just hanging out with my partner and we decided to try out tickling as part of our nightly rituals.’ If you’re lucky then this conversation will be had with friends and housemates rather than with parents. If it IS with parents then try passing it off as a casual tickle fight. They won’t believe you of course but if they really don’t want to know it’ll fill the criteria in their own minds and they can leave well alone.

One other thing to be prepared for when talking to others about this is that they may not share the importance you place upon your fetish. It’s entirely possible that their reaction after you reveal your deep dark secret will be “is that it?”. If that does happen, well, then it’s up to you how you go about dealing with the situation. If that reaction is a result of confusion and they are likely to want to understand why this is so important to you then it may be worth taking the time to talk it through. If it’s a genuine dismissal then you’re probably best to just let it go, at least until they’ve had some time to absorb it and the importance you were placing upon it. Some people just won’t understand or be interested in your fetish no matter how much you explain and it’s usually in your best interest to save yourself the pain of trying to explain it all.

Of course the age-old problem is how to talk to your partner (or prospective partner) about your fetish when you have no idea if they’re into it or what their reaction may be. Again, every situation is different but we tend to find the best way is simply to be honest. Just bring it up as you would any other new thing you want to try in the bedroom and see how they react. If their first instinct is horror with a side-order of revulsion resist the temptation to back off and apologise for ever bringing it up. Instead be honest, just say (calmly if possible) “I’m sorry but this is something that’s been with me for a while. I’d love to do it with you but if you’re not interested then that’s fine with me too as I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” and see where the conversation goes.

You also need to keep a very open mind when discussing things like this as it’s entirely possible that they may reply with something that surprises you just as much as you surprised them. A bargaining session isn’t that unusual: “okay, you can tickle me but I want to experiment with this strap-on and your butt” may be an example. Just remember, you were the one who brought up your fetish first so don’t you dare condemn them for something you consider weird.

Another option is to see if a chance comes up naturally in conversation to introduce the subject. While this may seem unlikely it can give you the chance to mention your fetish almost as a joke so you can quickly laugh it off if it’s obviously not gone down well. One of the beautiful things about tickling is that it tends to lend itself very well to such natural opportunities - after all if you talk to someone after a quick random poke or tickle fight and tell them (or, depending on circumstances, show them) how it affects you then they’re more likely to associate the fetish with fun and your pleasure and may, in turn, be more open and accepting of it.

Something else to bear in mind is that attitudes can change over time. We’ve heard multiple examples of someone saying ‘oh god, I’d never do that’ where after it’s been in their heads for a while they’ve come round to the idea. Don’t make a habit of revisiting an idea if it had an obvious negative effect (the fetish equivalent of ‘are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?) but don’t be afraid of mentioning it occasionally as well, especially if it’s in the context of “you know I mentioned that tickling thing a while ago? I was just wondering if, well, if you had anything you’ve always wanted to do?” This has the double benefit of keeping your own fetish as an active issue while presenting them with the perfect opportunity to bring up their own desires.

Basically, don’t be afraid of what you enjoy and never be ashamed of any fetish. When talking to others about it be positive, be confident but also be prepared for a negative reaction, be ready to laugh it off if necessary and be ready to consider their fetishes if they choose to talk about them with the same open-mindedness that you hope they’ll show you.

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